Monday, December 31, 2007

WE GOT OUR CALL! ! ! ! ! ! !

as of 12:47 today,,,,, May we introduce Dang Li Ying aka Leah Kaylin King

Dob 10/12/03 39" ,,,35#

Currently waiting for us at the SWI of Tongren Area, Guizhou Province..

Mama, Baba, Jie Jie and and all Ge ge are thrilled...

Friday, December 28, 2007

Well,,,, while reading the RQ site (Rumor Queen),, someone mentioned that they got their TA (Travel Approval),, and their agendy also got a referral ,,, BUT ,, did not say if it was SN or NSN (special needs or non special needs)... so that is a very good sign.. THIS IS GOING TO BE A VERRRRRYYY LONG WEEKEND!!!! And someone with a 12/20/05 LID ,,, said their agency told them not to expect a referral this month.... The CCAA is closed Dec. 30, 31 and Jan 1st... CRAP!!!!!

On the up side,,, we are have some friends over tomorrow,,, other adoptive families that we have met over the last 2 LONG years.. Will post picutres....

Hugs to all,, and hopefully I will be posting a referral VERY SOON ! ! ! ! ! ! !

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Sunday, December 23, 2007

OMG!!!!!! We Are DAYS Away!!!!!!

Well the first RUMORS have appeared!!! They say the 20th is IN!!!! Rated a 2 on a scale of 1-5!!!!!!

Friday, December 21, 2007

Mommy's Thoughts as the days count DOWN !!!!

Well as I sit here, with everyone else asleep by 8:30 on a Friday night,, I think to myself, Gee aren't we an exciting group....Hardy, har har, har har!!!!! We are anywhere from 14 - 18 days from seeing our daughter's picture for the first time. I was so hoping to have it before Christmas this year... But,, that did not happen... The other day during one of my "chats with God",,, I found myself trying to barter with Him... Good thing no one else was home, because as I blew up laughing,, and I thought what the heck am I doing... My mother taught me not to beg!! Ha Ha Ha!!! Well at least I thought she did at one time anyway!!

I am still doing pretty good on the Nerve Scale, as I have one or two left.... and as of today my boys are out of school for 2 WHOLE WEEKS!!! They weren't home an hour when the youngest one (now 7) come in to tell me, while crying, Kyle(16) is being mean!!! sob, sob, sob... My comment was,,, " Well isn't he always"?,,, I do NOT think that is what he was hoping to hear....considering I got a pouty face after that.

I just wish our little girl was already home.. I know it is close, I also know that she was not ready to come home yet.. I just wish our timeline and His timeline, were a little more in sync...

Good Night All!!!!!!

Selina

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

2 YEARS ! ! ! ! ! ! !

Well here we are. At an anniversary, I never thought I would nor want to celebrate. But,, I have said several prayers today, including one for Leah birth mom. We do have a Christmas Party tonight... Oh Joy! ! ! !

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

December 18, 2007

OMG!!!! Tomorrow is 2 years since our LID !!! Can you believe it??? I think that is enough to make me cry..... YEP it sure is!!! We are really hoping for 17 - 21 days,,,, COME ON CCAA,, WE ARE DYIN' OVER HERE!!!!!!!!!!!! AAARRRGGGG!!!!

Wait don't have time to cry... got to get ready for the boys school Christmas program tonight, then tomorrow is Danny's company Chirstmas Party.. It does give me a reason to get dress up in something OTHER than, sweats or jeans WOO HOO!!!! And before we leave for the party ,, I have to figure out how to get Cody to (and from)Sylvan program, and to get Kyle to and from the high school for a game..

And yesterday my sister sent me a pound of fudge... my favorite in the whole world.. and before I could even get in the door,, my daughter was all over me... when I told her MY package from Aunt Colleen was her,,, she KNEW what was in the box..

Friday, December 14, 2007

Somewhere between 21 & 25 days?!?!?!?!?

Well now birthdays are out of the way,,, Now I can once again obsess over the adoption,, ha ha ha ha ha ha! ! ! ! ! ! ! As if I ever quit in the first place

yesterday took Cody's class cupdakes for his birthday... He was so happy to have them brought in....

I can not believe we are actually this close to referral.... I think I am still a little numb.... give me a week or so.. and we will see how I am doing then..

Thursday, December 6, 2007

Congrats !!! Hasting Family !!!!

We are proud to annouce for our friends Mark and Emmie Hastings

Kaylee Louann Hastings

http://www.babyjellybeans.com/web/do/site/home?ID=182130

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

WE ARE NEXT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well,,,, Someone with 12/14/05 LID got thier referral!!!!!!!!

We are NEXT ! ! ! ! ! ! !


We are NEXT ! ! ! ! ! ! !



We are NEXT ! ! ! ! ! ! !



We are NEXT ! ! ! ! ! ! !

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

No Update YET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OK,,, SO,,,I am not the most patient person in the world,,, WELL DUH!!!!!! It is now just before 8am in China..........Where are the referrals... rumor has it packages are on the way... BUT of course,, no one has a clue what's in them.... Go figure!!!!

Talked to Emmie today... at least we both laughed a little... I think she needs it more than I do right now..... As they are waiting for their referral.... ours will most likely be in January... AAARRRGGGHHH!!!!!!!!!

HAND OVER THE REFERRALS AND NO ONE GETS HURT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Saturday, December 1, 2007

December 2007

Well here we are,,,, December 1st,,, Dylan is 7 yrs old today!!! Took cupcakes to his class yesterday for it... In 12 days Cody will be 8....

Cody found a ladybug on the trampoline this morning.... Referrals just around the corner.... a coincidence,, I think NOT!!! Rumors are that they made it to the 14th.... That is kind of what I expected,,, BUT still very disappointed!!!!!!!!

Danny pouring concrete for our back patio extention, while it is raining I might add!!!

And we have Allison's 1st birhtday party to go to this afternoon.... The boys are excited!!!!

Monday, November 26, 2007

Another Day Down! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

Ok,, we made it through Thanksgiving!!! With some form of sanity intact?!?!?!?! That just leaves 4 kids birthday parties in 9 days and Christmas to get through, OH YES!!! New Years Eve!!!!! How the Heck could I possibly forget that... and then MY moms B-day Jan. 1st

I have managed to get 99% of my Christmas shopping done....Just a couple of things left to hunt down.... And will mail out the rest of my Christmas cards tomorrow....

We decided that when Leah comes home we will plant a tree in the front yard,,, and then her first Christmas, we will also plant pine tree...

Danny is trying to figure out how to get the incriminating picture off of the blog...HA HA HA ROFL!!!!! Not a chance....

Some friends of ours are expecting thier referral this batch....Emmie & Mark,, we have our fingers crossed for you,, and a few extra prayers!

We are guessing that our referral will be the 1st week of Jan....

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Yet More Thoughts on the WAIT!!!!!

Well here we are...... This wait is enough to send anyone out on a limb!!! Tomorrow we meet with Nancy (our Social Worker), to update our home study YET AGAIN!!!! As it expires Jan 14th,, and there is not a snowballs chance in Phoenix, that we will travel by then... I have already put in to redo our fingerprints AGAIN!!!!! So where does that leave us,, to wait and wait and wait and wait... Well you get the picture!!!

I have just ordered the rental on the jump house for Cody & Dylan's birthday party.. At this point,,, one little thing seems like an accomplishment... My train of thought lately seems to be jumping track,,, QUITE OFTEN !!!!


Thanks to ALL of our friends and family,, for putting up with our ramblings!!!! Mine especially! ! ! ! K Jo, Sindy, Emmie, Nicole, Cherie, Gerry and mostly dh, Danny....

I am sure when Danny sees the Cat Nap picture,, I will be hearing from him,, as he is at work in a meeting right now.....

Friday, November 9, 2007

Thoughts for the day!!!!!!

Maybe someone reading our blog can possibly explain to me, WHY, on earth I pull up the blog and just stare at it.......... Like it is going to change or possibly do a trick........ I have got to me loosing what last threads of sanity I MAY have had left........ And what am I going to do when it gets closer to referrals...

HOLY COW!!!! This is the 1st time in my entire life that the silence is so devastaing.... That is shocking to me....

Hugs & Prays to all who take the time to read my babblings...

Oh,, I think Danny thinks I have already TOTALLY lost my frikin mind! ! ! ! !

Monday, November 5, 2007

They into December 2005 ! ! ! ! ! !

Well it is OFFICIAL!!!!! The CCAA got to 12/8/05!!!!!!! there is only 11 days to our LID!!!! That still means we may not get our referral til January!!!! BOOO HOOOO!!!!!!!!




Thursday, November 1, 2007

November 2007

Well, well, well,,,, what do we have here,,,,, Another batch of referrals that did not get as far as we were hoping,, it looks like they got to December 8th,, I was REALLY hoping for the 12th!!!!!

My head hurts, my stomach aches, I'm gouchy, can't sleep, I'm tired.... Come on, I don't want to be paper pregnant anymore!!!!!!

I AM STILL PRAYING FOR US TO GET OURS NEXT MONTH... Heart says YES,, head says NO....... No wonder my head hurts,, it is arguing with my heart.. and I am NEVER wrong,,, but,,, in this case 1/2 of me is wrong... That can't be right,, I am NEVER, NEVER wrong,,, just ask me!!!!!! LOL LOL!!!!!!

I do know that if this month was a killer on me,, just imagine what a complete and total basket case I will be this time next month... I did warn a friend today.. that if there is a message on her answering machine that is totally incoherent, to check the caller id...

Friday, October 26, 2007

Mommy's Thoughts

Well,,, can you believe we may actually get our referral in as little as 42 days,,, THAT IS DAYS, NOT MONTHS!!!!!!! I still think it may happen by the 1st week of December.... I also think that the next batch of referrals due in about a week,,, will give us a good indication of when for sure we will get it...... We have already my plans that Danny will get the fax first,, and then he can email it home to me.... Since the only fax machine we have,,, I think Noah broought it on the Ark with him!!!! LOL!!!!

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Leah's small OHGWQ

Well I finished this in only 2 days.... I did have all the squares cut,,, but it was entirely assembled in TWO DAYS!!! I am so excited... I am even more excited to finish this one because we are taking it with us to bring her home.....

I do wish I could stay away from the RQ site!!! What an addiction! ! ! !

Sunday, October 21, 2007

RUMORS ! ! ! ! ! !

First signs of rumors are coming in,,, I am SO TRYING NOT to get my hopes up... If they did, in fact, make it to at least the 10th,, then we should get our referral before Christmas.. I am SOOOOO excited, I can't believe we are this close...After over 2 years, counting an excruciating paperchase,, we are WEEKS away from seeing picture

And I finally started the 2nd quilt last night...

Come on CCAA,,, YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!!

Saturday, October 20, 2007

Thoughts as we get closer to our REFERRAL !!!!!

Well as we drift into the end of October,, we have a VERY busy couple of months.. Bridal shower, wedding, and 4 birthday parties pressed into 2 weekends in a row,, AND 2 OF THEM ARE AT OUR HOUSE......Woo Hoo!!! Plus 3 other birthdays in November... I think Thanksgiving and Christmas are in ther some where..HA HA HA HA ! ! ! ! !

And for the next batch of referrals, I perdict that they will be here on Nov. 5th, a Monday, and I am guessing they will only go through the 7th!!!!! At best....

Our anniversary is Wednesday, hubby is taking the day off, and we are going to go out, and do what ever, No Plans, maybe start with going out to breakfast.. and just WING it!!!!! Last time we did that,, we both came home with new tatoos!!!!

Have started Christmas Shopping and in 2 days, I am 1/2 done (Thank God for internet shopping,,, it only works when you know what you are looking for though)... Just a few specific things I want to try and track down...

I have a few things I would like to get done before our referral,,, like Leah's second quilt,, I also would like to get my couch cleaned... I seriously considered doing it myself,,, YEAH RIGHT,, Who am I kidding?!?!?!

My daughter wants to do a baby shower after referral... so lets throw that into the ring along with the birthdays, holidays,, and whatever else happens to come up.. in our tranquile lives,,, HAHA HAHA ! ! ! !

And get this,, for some reason, I am rather clam,, even with referral rumors just around the corner, and all of what we have to do in the next few weeks...

Hugs & Prayers to all that take the time to read my ramblings!!!

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

October 2007

Well referrals are here!!! It only included CHI's 11/28/05 LID's.... Not sure of the actual cut off date,,, but is is really looking like the 30th is it... We were really hoping that the first few days of December...

Tomorrow is Danny's birthday and would have been my dads birthday too, and our 9th Anniversary is the 24th...

I really need to update the picutres on here.... just can't seem to get it done....

Sunday, September 2, 2007

September 5, 2007




Well here we are in September and another birthday, let's just say it is the 21st Anniversary of my 21st birthday!!! Anyway I just read that the referrals only went to November 25th... That is what I expected BUT,, I was so hopeful that they would go a few days farther.... My next prediction is to Dec. 2, and we should get them around Oct. 3rd (dh's b-day) However not sure when the Harvest Festival is.. I am still trying to stay busy to help time pass....

Sindy & Kelly leave tomorrow to go to Hunan to get Allison... And Happy B-day Kelly!!! and may they have a safe trip.

Next Saturday, we are going out with some friends and then the following weekend is their son's 5th birthday...

We are STILL hoping for a December referral?!?!?!?

Sunday, August 26, 2007

Today's Thoughts

Well,, as rumors will start to trickle in here soon.... I feel that even with the early rumor of November 29,, it will not go past the 25th..... I SOOOOOO hope I am wrong.... However,,,,, I already got so excited when I saw the rumor... I couldn't contain myself.... Go Figure,, after 2 long years.... I still say we will get our referral on our grandson's 2nd birthday, December 7th?!?


I have been trying to get some down time,(me time) what a laugh!!!! I have been bustin my rear to redo our master bathroom... it turned out to be more of an undertaking than I ever expected... I would really like to get that done and get started on Leah's second quilt...

Our friends Sindy & Kelly leave on Sept. 6th,, to go get their beautiful little Allison..... How exciting... that even made it seem more real for us....

Sunday, August 5, 2007

Fun With Friends

Last night we went out with Sindy and Kelly,, to celebrate their referral for Allison... We had so much fun,,, we left TGIF's at midnight... We have not been out that late in so long....This was the 1st the DH's met... The got along great (they are both from Iowa!! Go figure!!)

Friday, August 3, 2007

August 2007

Another Batch of Referrals! ! ! ! !

Well referrals came out yesterday, and made it to November 21, 2005!!! That is a good thing.... Now we have 28 days of LID's to get throught,, so that means we will be possibly traveling by January of o8.. Since a good batch is only about 7 days per month!!!

I posted on our December Yahoo Board,, that I "heard" rumors,, and Ann (From CHI) told me "Shhhhhhh!" OOOPPS!! Me and my BIG mouth!!!!

ON THE FANTASTIC SIDE!!!!! Our friends, Sindy & Kelly got their referral yesterday...They FINALLY got their little Allison!!! I was so excited for them,, YES,, I cried.... My 16 yr old told me, if I was this excited over someone elses,, he did not want to be around we ours comes in,, and then laughed...

Saturday, July 21, 2007

July 2007

Well here we are again, on the 6th of this month the referrals are to Nov. 14th,, and April & May 06 are out of Department 1!! April was wat out on June 21st ,, and May was out on July 5th,, NOW WHAT IS UP WITH THAT??? something a little off there!!! I had an anxious feeling all day on the 20th,,, last year it was on the 19th... I wish I knew what this week is... I know I am not forgeting anyones birthday or anniversary... It MUST have something to do with the adoption..

Rumors are all over the place this month,, I was out right ridiculious,, A couple of days ago they said the next batch would include the 1st few days of Dec.. YEAH RIGHT!!!!! I was not going to believe that for a minute.. Now they think it will be to Nov. 20th,,, I really thought the CCAA would make it to the 21st....

The sad part is I have really become NUMB to all the rumors... until I get the call from Marianne at CHI,,, I will stay here in my own little world,, but it's OK,, they know me here!!!!LOL!!!!!! People have stopped asking,,, and as our 2 youngest boys start school on Aug 2., and my older son (will be a junior in high school) startes on Aug 8th.. I will have more questions to answer from the boys teachers... I will just tell them nope, sorry no news yet!!!!!


And believe it or not our room is done... NO more concrete floors!!!YIPEE!!

Thursday, June 28, 2007

New I-171

GOT IT TODAY!!!! WOOHOO!!!!!

Sunday, June 24, 2007

June 2007

Well here we are waiting on REFERRALS again. On the 6th of this month, CHI did get them up to November 7, so the CCAA is officially into NOV. YIPEEE!!!

This month has been rather eventful, transmission went out on my truck got it fixed put some new tires on it and traded it for a Cadillac Escalade,, I am now driving a Cadi,,, who would have thought?!?!?!? From redneck to Ritzi!!!! LOL!!! Or as I was called a "Scottsdale Princess"... Thx Marc.

Sindy and I finally got to meet for lunch and I got to see her blankets done,, how beautiful they are!!! We decided we should do this ever couple of weeks... We think it will help the time pass.. WHATEVER IT TAKES!!!

I have torn up all the carpet in our bedroom, yes before I bough the new flooring, we are still waiting for it ,, so we now have bare concrete... Our room has been re-painted and wallpapered.. After this is all done, I will tear up our bathroom..

We have gone camping a couple of times. It is so nice to get out of the heat!!!! Even took Zac our grandson who LOVES the outdoors.. and quads,, his mommy took him for a ride in one that is more like a little sand rail.. and boy when you took him out did he scream...

And still no I-171,, I did talk to Marianne, and she said don't worry about it ,,, if we do not get our referral by November, we will have to renew everything anyway...Home study and fingerprints.. Oh the fun!!!

Thursday, May 31, 2007

Schools Out ! ! !

Well, school is out for the summer,,, this is going to be a VERY long 12 weeks, so far they have disagreed on which swim trunks are whos, and how the video game works and they have not been out a week yet... I think I may be crazy by the time they go back,, OH WAIT,,, I AM ALREADY THERE!!!!

My grandma was here for two weeks, mostly to see Cody and Dylan in their promotion program. Cody from 1st to 2nd and Dylan from K to 1st... I always love when my Grandma is here,, I only get to see her once a year, sometimes twice.

We went to Janet & JR's (we meet them through our agency & FCC) to celebrate Cali being home a year... I got my baby girl fix,,, it might last me a week or two.. ha ha ha!!!! yeah right, who am I kidding !!!!

Some GOOD friends of ours were here for Memorial weekend and had so much fun!!!! I miss them already....

OH YEAH!!!! 12 weeks and one day and NO I-171!!!!!!! :(

Saturday, May 5, 2007

May 2007

Well, I can't believe that we are still waiting. Last Mothers Day, I wrote that Leah would be home by now. Guess that's not happening.. it's in 8 days. But this last month has seemed to fly by..... Easter was fun with Zackery being able to hunt easter eggs without mommy & daddy's help.. it was too funny, he find them and then throw them on the ground to open them... Only used plastic this year.. That was a good thing!
Getting to meet Sindy at her baby shower, finally after emailing for months, they live about 20 minutes away, and our girls will be close in age. How exciting!!!!! And their LID is 11/18/05... I went on a field trip with Cody and his 1st grade class to the Phoenix Zoo.. HE RODE A CAMEL --- BY HIMSELF!!!I was so excited that he did, he is the one that does not try new things... I have pictures!!!

Kyle is NOW 16,,, OMG!!!! We had his party the weekend before, same weekend as he had his Nascar Race tickets..He we so VERY excited because Jeff Gordon won Saturdays race, from Pole Position, 1st time at PIR, and he also tied Dale Sr. Race wins.

And our trip to CA was GREAT!!!! VERY BUSY but, so much fun!!!! Cody & Dylan did so good handling their own rolling backpacks through the airports...And they liked doing it.. My Uncle Carl, asked "Where's the new baby"... I just about cried when I had to tell him we haven't gone yet!!!

And we came back to MORE REFERRALS,,, up to Nov. 1st... AT this rate WE might still have Leah home by Christmas?!?!?!?!!

STILL NO I-171..... I did call Alex at USCIS.... they are still working on Feb.... We sent ours in March.. Oh the joy of waiting,, ha ha ha ha!!!!!

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

April 2007

Well, here is to one more month of waiting!! On Monday the 9th, referrals came in, HOWEVER,,, it was only for 2 days...AAARRRGG!!! So that means October 26th,, is as far as they got... Our Agency did not have any LID's for those 2 days... That has to be hard for those families that have a 10/27 LID,,, they thought for sure they were getting their referrals... Heck it was hard for me and we are 12/19... So for now we will keep plugging away at the house...

Now as for Easter,, the boys loved it, uneventful, but relaxing....

AND YES ,,,,STILL WAITING ON THE I-171 renewal... AGAIN!!!!

Monday, March 19, 2007

A LADYBUG!!!!!!

Well I was in the backyard playing with the puppies,, I looked down,, and there was a ladybug!!!! I know our referral is still months off.. but,,, HOW COOL!!!!!

Thursday, March 15, 2007

A bump in the road

I know I don't usually post 2 times in one month, BUT this deserves it's own place... When I went to the mail, I THOUGHT I had gotten our renewed I-171,, HA HA HA HA!!! It was appointments to have our fingerprints redone.. The funny part is I sent the proof that we already had them redone, and they are good until... January 30, 08....... I am sorry are not still in 2007 AAARRRGG!!!!

Monday, March 12, 2007

March 2007

Well, CHI got referrals last Monday, the 5th,up to October 24.. I had guessed they would come in on the 9th,, and up to the 23rd!!!! I would say that is close... I am still thinking August before ours comes in... I am always really happy for a couple of days after referrals..THEN, reality sets in again... IIICCCKKK!!! I will say my next guess is April 6th up to November 3rd.... We will see. This last month has gone by pretty fast.. since last referral.. I can only hope it goes fast for the next few months

I did meet one family out here in Buckeye, that has adopted from China twice.. The Davis',,, and I actually ran into Joe in the grocery store today.. The only reason I knew who he was is Shannon had sent me a picture of their girls,, and I recognized them.... to funny!!!

Met up with Kathy Jo and Marc (adopting thru CHI)for dinner Saturday night ... It was a blast as per usual..

And my boys are ALL out for Spring Break,, oh yipppeee!! after about 3 days they should be on each others last nerve... Kyle has only 1 week off and Cody & Dylan have 2 weeks off...

I have started redecorating 2 of our bathrooms... Then I would REALLY like to redo our bedroom... Shall we say Danny is less than thrilled, considering I want to redo our flooring,, which consists of moving our oak framed, double bladder king sized waterbed...OVERJOYED!!!!

Saturday, February 10, 2007

February 2007

Well Heather is 19 and Justin will be 20 in a matter of days.. OMG!!!! Where have the years gone... Please someone tell me how the days still drag on and on and on?!?!?!?!?!? Today we went to the Chinese New Year celebration, with our FCC group (Families with Children from China).. It was so great.. I finally got to meet some of the people I have chatted with online...I made it seem so very really,, and that it is really going to happen... Each day is a day closer to bringing Leah home for good!!! And for Valentines Day,, We (Leah & Mommy), got our own Giant Panda (stuffed) I cried... Go Figure!!!! So emotional lately... You would think I was pregnant or something.... Who says being "paper pregnant" doesn't make you emotional?!?!?!?!?!?

Sunday, January 14, 2007

January 2007

Well another year has arrived, uneventful as it may seem... It does seem has we have been here before... Another new year with no little girl at home... AARRGGG!!!!!! Getting ready to start on Leah's 2nd quilt. This one will be smaller so she can take it where ever she likes.... Danny told me the other day, that I better get ready for a new "Queen" of the house. In a pigs eye...Ha!!!! We will just see about that.. She already has at least as many clothes as I do... How in the heck did that happen...???? Cody & Dylan talk about taking their baby sister to the state fair... in October.... I tried to warn Dylan if we are back we can go... I know that if I promise him now, we will travel when the fair is here... And to top off the month,, my Akita had her puppies on the couch, while we were gone.... OH JOY!!!!

Welcome Everyone!!!!

Thank you so much for taking the time to see where we are in our journey, of adoption, to bring Leah home from China. We enjoy everyone asking questions, I know I never get tired of talking about it.......

The Guizhou Zoo

The White Swan Hotel

1st Day

Our Little Leah

Our Little Leah
Don't you just love the smile...dob 10/12/03

The day we got the PACKAGE!!!

We got her packet today,, here is another picture of Leah

We got her packet today,, here is another picture of Leah
What a look?!?!?!?!?!